An excerpt from National Lampoon The Saddam Dump in bookstores NOW! – plus bonus material not found anywhere else.

Monday, January 01, 2007


Hello, it is me again. I know it is hard to believe in, but if you are reading my book you wouldn’t be too surprised because God has appeared to me and predicted all that is passing. You know what they say, “One man’s hanging is another man’s martyrdom.” But I am many times worrying that my resurrection, Jerry Bruckheimer-ish apocalypse, four horsemen on fire thingy I was planning on, is not going to be happening so soon. God’s days are like centuries or something...

– he tried explaining but my 72 virgins can be a little distracting. They’re constantly bickering!

Anyway, I want to throw a thought at you… I am most times loving the Palestinian peoples but they do just go on and on about their problems, and after awhile I wish they’d just get over it already. Very similar to the whining of your American Indians, “We’re a conquered native people forced to live on reserved land, our economy is depressed, etc, etc.” So I say, make a theft from the American history books and come up with the perfect solution…

I guarantee this will work. In a few years everyone will want to be Palestinian. Even the Jews will claim a 1/16th heritage. Problem solved.

– You’re welcome. Now buy my book


Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I have been hearing news of a World War Three (or Two And A Half depending on how you count it). I feel like Roger Clemens pitching in the minors. Oh sure I’m still in the game, ranting in court, going on my little hunger strikes but shit why didn’t I think of kidnapping an Israeli soldier when I had the chance????

I’ve been denying it but now I have to admit: I’ve become the comic relief of the Middle East.

Remember Scud missiles? Even the name sounds funny now. The handshake with Rummsfeld while dropping mustard gas on the Iranians? – Classic. Being compared to Hitler? That bit was meant for me. Now everyone is Hitler! Bush, Ahmadinejad, Olmert, al-Assad, Simon Cowell, your brother in-law, Mariah Carey… Hitler. Everyone is Hitler.

I can’t believe this. I think people are actually nostalgic for me now. The soundtrack to my life has now officially become the theme song from Benny Hill. Do you think this is funny? Do you?!#%$@*! Well then… Buy The Book HERE >>


Thursday, July 06, 2006


Today news of Ken Lay’s heart attack and unexpected death has reached me. I did not know this Mr. KennyBoy Lay person but he seemed to be a good man and like me he knew how to treat people and make money from oil and energy markets. Damn I miss manipulating the price of crude. I have been thinking that many times well known people who are connected by celebrity and a random fact seem to die in groups of three.

This is not good.


Monday, June 26, 2006


Americans make great weapons. It’s a shame that the best thing they make their own people can’t buy. Wal-Mart should carry M-16s, grenade belts, and V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor hovercraft.

Oh and my new book The Saddam Dump [Saddam Hussein’s Trial Blog]. It is available in bookstores now! So go get one. It’s perfect for travel, beach, or poolside during the Forth of July weekend. Buy The Book HERE >>


Wednesday, June 21, 2006


To raise money for my defense fund I have worked out a deal with the Franklin Mint to produce a series of commemorative plates paying tribute to my lawyers who have been killed.

This is the Khamis al-Obeidi plate. It is the third plate in the series. Get the starter set of three now and we will send you a new plate each month to examine and keep, or return it if you are not 100% satisfied. Get them now! Supplies are limited.

My new book The Saddam Dump [Saddam Hussein's Trial Blog] will be in stores next Tuesday. It's a great summer time read so get yours to enjoy over the Fourth of July holiday, or buy the book online NOW!


Tuesday, June 13, 2006


I am hoping for a Hollywood ending to my trials. If I have enough good characters who show support for me I might get off. I am thinking of a real Mr. Smith Goes To Washington moment. That is why I have joined myspace.

The first day I was a bit disappointed because I had only one friend… Tom. It seems Tom comes to be a friend of everyone who is on myspace.

But then I looked at Tom’s page and I realized Tom has 85 million friends! With Tom I only need one friend. Because he has 85 million!!!!!

Today I have 45 friends, tomorrow 45 thousand. By the end of the week it should be 45 million! Who can argue that I am not a good person if I have 45 million friends?

Look at my page here.


Thursday, June 08, 2006


I have a new jailhouse tat! I got the old one so long ago and I was tired of it, so I decided to do a cover-up.

I am almost as excited about my new tattoo as I am about my new book: National Lampoon The Saddam Dump [Saddam Hussein's Trial Blog], in stores June 27. You may buy the book online NOW!


Saturday, June 03, 2006


While I am busy on most days with my trial I do have time to work on other things. Today I have worked on my comedy act and I have much new material to share:

What is the difference between Iraq and Vietnam? – Sand

Perhaps one day I will be free to give performances at the Karbala Komedy Kitchen.

Here is a video of me… Leave a comment below to let me know how much I have killed.


Friday, May 19, 2006


The green zone is a terrible place. You can’t get a good cell phone connection here... I have important calls to make. This morning I have an idea for a wonderful song and wish to contact an agent. Will directory assistance have a number for Pink? I am thinking she would like to sing it for me, but I cannot get enough bars to make the call.

It is a great irony of my life that the only place my cell phone won’t work is in my cell.


Tuesday, April 04, 2006


The "about me" section does not meet my fulfillment. Therefore it is required to have more, “more about me." – Saddam Hussein

Age: 69
Gender: 100% male
Astrological Sign: Taurus (Same birthday as Jay Leno – Ha Ha)
Zodiac Year: Ox
Industry: Socialist Pan-Arab Tyranny
Occupation: President of Iraq (That’s right I’m the president of Iraq – FU MFer!!!)
Location: Undisclosed, Iraq (C’mon, who are we kidding? I’m in the Green Zone)

Saddam is like god. Saddam is the reincarnation of Nebuchadnezzar, ruler and rightful king of the Babylonian empire, defender of Palestine and conqueror of Mesopotamia. Saddam is disco.

– And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Cleanliness, nice suits, rape rooms, paintings on velvet, walks on the Euphrates, biological weaponry, afternoon prayers to Allah, dissenters with blood gushing from their lying treasonous throats, SUVs.

Slovenliness, beggars, painted whores, Paris Hilton, parking tickets, counterfeit antiquities on eBay, 5000 pound laser guided “bunker busters," Jews.

Interests include:
• Provoking the greedy, halfwit, president of America (Saddam cannot even write his name because Saddam is shaking with anger. Saddam wishes he would call. Saddam could make it better)
• Manipulating international economy
• Fucking with the French
• Drinking with Putin
• Taking bribes
• Giving bribes
• Polishing scud missile
• Disputing territorial boundaries
• Pumping oil
• Facial hair

Favorite Movies:
Dirty Harry (what’s it going to be punk? Go ahead make my day. LOL the best comedy ever!!)

Favorite Music:
Albums = Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, The Best of Gloria Gainer
Singles = Psyco Killer – Talking Heads, Kiddie Grinder – Marilyn Manson, Prison Song – System Of A Down, O Sole Mio – Placido Domingo



Hey Pinhead, you know what? You are a joke! That’s what you are – a joke. And you’re a criminal for committing crimes against humanity. And you hate freedom and justice. After 35 years of running a country with no judiciary save for trials that were prejudged by you, Iraq is totally unprepared to conduct this trial. So I tell you what, why don’t you just do the same thing you did to those thousands of innocent people you slaughtered and sentence yourself to death right now and save us all the trouble. That would be a funny punch line… you joke!

Listen when this thing blows over love to have you on the Factor. The ratings will be huge! Call me.

Posted by: NoSpin_Bill

Please remove my site from your Friend’s Links:

This is embarrassing.

Posted by: ChiracDaddy


Daily Trial Entry:
I am getting tired of being asked: “Hey, Saddam Where are the WMDs?” What did Bush think he would find? -- a giant steaming vat of glowing green ooze waiting for him in a warehouse in Falluja.

No, it doesn’t work that way. You spread it around. A small vile of anthrax strong enough to take out a city… you put it everywhere. It’s in Akmed’s house and Fareed’s house, it’s in spray canisters and bike tires. I sent a batch Fed X to Cleveland. It’s like hiding the contents of a couple of pixie sticks from your little brother. Biological is so easy. I could never believe Bush actually thought he would find these.

The missiles? Right in front of your nose: they hold up bridges, they are the large flagpoles, pillars in my palaces, and the minarets in our mosques.

The chemical weapons are in thermoses at our 99cent stores, in urns of our dead soldiers, and in all Walmart vases. It’s really that easy.



Hey, where’s my $20,000?! I blew myself up, and my family is still waiting to collect--Akmed Pala, Palestinian Suicide Bomber, 7th Level of Hell

Posted by: Notta_limb_onme77


By Saddam Hussein

Warmth of sunlight streaming
Through the window of my cell
Morning with no reason

A bug appears
Finding comfort in my forearm hairs black and gray
How much we share in common this bug and me

I too am in the wrong place
Oh bug. Please bug, be my friend
Oh bug you want to fly, such disappointment

Ahh, it stays!
Stay with me my little friend and I will provide for you

Oh bug you have left me!
In flight now – to the bars, to the air
I reach for you, such yearning

Oh bug you are taunting me!
Deviant bug, come here this instant or you shall pay!

I have you now, firmly in my grasp, ha, ha
I have tweezers, now your head is gone
I pluck a dingle berry from my arse
Now it is down the bloody stump that was your throat
You son of a Kurdish whore!

No more will the bug disobey me
Meaning and hope have been restored



I was on Joe Scarborough's MSNBC show last night, part of a panel discussing whether President Bush should be impeached. You might have caught it; I don’t know what time it comes on over there. Anyway, as I always do in any political debate, I started out the evening arguing about Bush's imperial and illegal adventure in Iraq. This always results in blank stares and heavy sighs, which is my cue to look smug and claim to have won the argument. Works every time. Speaking of legal this might be good for your current “situation.”

BTW It’s great to see you’ve started a blog – good for you! Maybe you’ll consider linking to my blog?? Hit me back and let me know.

Posted by: PrincessArianna

Dude@#$%@#!!$# -- I thought we had a deal?? – You suck

Posted by: U.N.Koffi