An excerpt from National Lampoon The Saddam Dump in bookstores NOW! – plus bonus material not found anywhere else.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


The "about me" section does not meet my fulfillment. Therefore it is required to have more, “more about me." – Saddam Hussein

Age: 69
Gender: 100% male
Astrological Sign: Taurus (Same birthday as Jay Leno – Ha Ha)
Zodiac Year: Ox
Industry: Socialist Pan-Arab Tyranny
Occupation: President of Iraq (That’s right I’m the president of Iraq – FU MFer!!!)
Location: Undisclosed, Iraq (C’mon, who are we kidding? I’m in the Green Zone)

Saddam is like god. Saddam is the reincarnation of Nebuchadnezzar, ruler and rightful king of the Babylonian empire, defender of Palestine and conqueror of Mesopotamia. Saddam is disco.

– And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Cleanliness, nice suits, rape rooms, paintings on velvet, walks on the Euphrates, biological weaponry, afternoon prayers to Allah, dissenters with blood gushing from their lying treasonous throats, SUVs.

Slovenliness, beggars, painted whores, Paris Hilton, parking tickets, counterfeit antiquities on eBay, 5000 pound laser guided “bunker busters," Jews.

Interests include:
• Provoking the greedy, halfwit, president of America (Saddam cannot even write his name because Saddam is shaking with anger. Saddam wishes he would call. Saddam could make it better)
• Manipulating international economy
• Fucking with the French
• Drinking with Putin
• Taking bribes
• Giving bribes
• Polishing scud missile
• Disputing territorial boundaries
• Pumping oil
• Facial hair

Favorite Movies:
Dirty Harry (what’s it going to be punk? Go ahead make my day. LOL the best comedy ever!!)

Favorite Music:
Albums = Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, The Best of Gloria Gainer
Singles = Psyco Killer – Talking Heads, Kiddie Grinder – Marilyn Manson, Prison Song – System Of A Down, O Sole Mio – Placido Domingo



Hey Pinhead, you know what? You are a joke! That’s what you are – a joke. And you’re a criminal for committing crimes against humanity. And you hate freedom and justice. After 35 years of running a country with no judiciary save for trials that were prejudged by you, Iraq is totally unprepared to conduct this trial. So I tell you what, why don’t you just do the same thing you did to those thousands of innocent people you slaughtered and sentence yourself to death right now and save us all the trouble. That would be a funny punch line… you joke!

Listen when this thing blows over love to have you on the Factor. The ratings will be huge! Call me.

Posted by: NoSpin_Bill

Please remove my site from your Friend’s Links:

This is embarrassing.

Posted by: ChiracDaddy


Daily Trial Entry:
I am getting tired of being asked: “Hey, Saddam Where are the WMDs?” What did Bush think he would find? -- a giant steaming vat of glowing green ooze waiting for him in a warehouse in Falluja.

No, it doesn’t work that way. You spread it around. A small vile of anthrax strong enough to take out a city… you put it everywhere. It’s in Akmed’s house and Fareed’s house, it’s in spray canisters and bike tires. I sent a batch Fed X to Cleveland. It’s like hiding the contents of a couple of pixie sticks from your little brother. Biological is so easy. I could never believe Bush actually thought he would find these.

The missiles? Right in front of your nose: they hold up bridges, they are the large flagpoles, pillars in my palaces, and the minarets in our mosques.

The chemical weapons are in thermoses at our 99cent stores, in urns of our dead soldiers, and in all Walmart vases. It’s really that easy.



Hey, where’s my $20,000?! I blew myself up, and my family is still waiting to collect--Akmed Pala, Palestinian Suicide Bomber, 7th Level of Hell

Posted by: Notta_limb_onme77


By Saddam Hussein

Warmth of sunlight streaming
Through the window of my cell
Morning with no reason

A bug appears
Finding comfort in my forearm hairs black and gray
How much we share in common this bug and me

I too am in the wrong place
Oh bug. Please bug, be my friend
Oh bug you want to fly, such disappointment

Ahh, it stays!
Stay with me my little friend and I will provide for you

Oh bug you have left me!
In flight now – to the bars, to the air
I reach for you, such yearning

Oh bug you are taunting me!
Deviant bug, come here this instant or you shall pay!

I have you now, firmly in my grasp, ha, ha
I have tweezers, now your head is gone
I pluck a dingle berry from my arse
Now it is down the bloody stump that was your throat
You son of a Kurdish whore!

No more will the bug disobey me
Meaning and hope have been restored



I was on Joe Scarborough's MSNBC show last night, part of a panel discussing whether President Bush should be impeached. You might have caught it; I don’t know what time it comes on over there. Anyway, as I always do in any political debate, I started out the evening arguing about Bush's imperial and illegal adventure in Iraq. This always results in blank stares and heavy sighs, which is my cue to look smug and claim to have won the argument. Works every time. Speaking of legal this might be good for your current “situation.”

BTW It’s great to see you’ve started a blog – good for you! Maybe you’ll consider linking to my blog?? Hit me back and let me know.

Posted by: PrincessArianna

Dude@#$%@#!!$# -- I thought we had a deal?? – You suck

Posted by: U.N.Koffi


Note To Self:
Giant Pig Plushy… I can’t stop dreaming this image. Is it this pigpen they force me to sit in each day? Something is going on with me. I’ve been visiting Furry fetish sites. Is there anyone out there that can make this happen for me? I went on eBay today and they would not allow me to set up an account, my name is blocked. Please, I must wear the Pig Plushy. I have hidden gold & WMDs. Perhaps I can make a trade on craigslist.



Hi, I’m from Mark Burnett’s office and he asked that I pass this onto you, so I’m posting it here. Hope you get back to us…

Saddam – Wow, do you have any idea how good you are?! You’re amazing: ruthless, but yet surprisingly funny and sensitive. There’s definitely a show here. Your eccentric strong-arm methods would make great television. Here are some quick pitches:

Suicide Justice: This one’s simple: you’re looking for your next defense attorney. Will they quit, be thrown out of court, get kidnapped or have their throats slit? A great weekly strip.

The Butcher: Each week, 12 wannabe tyrannical dictators battle it out to become the next ruthless despot, while you decide who lives and dies. Who will be the next “Butcher”?

The Henchman: How long can an average, executive assistant, survive the whims and fury of a diabolical leader of an oil rich Middle East country?

These are just concepts. I’m extremely open to suggestions. Let’s get together and talk... no power lunch, just real casual.

Posted by: BurnettBoy


Daily Trial Entry:
I have been assigned a new group of defense attorneys. I am an educated man and respect bright legal minds. But some of these lawyers were assigned to me by the Iraqi puppet court run by the Americans. These are spies at best! I will not work with them, never!

Actually two of them aren’t so bad. My defense will be simple. I will yell and scream, then I’ll not show up, and when I show up I will continue to yell and scream.